I've noticed lately that a lot of people in my online networks fall into one of these categories: just moved to NY, moving to NY, want to move to NY. I'm not sure why they would do that, but I figured I'd impart some wisdom to help everyone out. A lot of these will likely apply to life anywhere, but whatever. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I find they are sometimes ignored yet very useful! Feel free to add in the comments as we all learn from each other.

1) Do not make eye contact. Ever. With anyone. Men will take that as an invite to harass you and women will wonder why you are looking at them. Men will likely harass you anyway, but no need to give them more of a chance to.

2) Be nice to service folk. They will probably be cranky because they have to deal with clueless tourists and annoyed New Yorkers. Be nice anyway. Also, they might seem a bit distracted - that's probably because they have an audition right after. Be nice anyway.

3) Be extra nice to bus drivers. Now, depending on your borough, you may never even ride a bus! (Congratulations!) But if you do, be very nice to them. Say hi when you step on and thank you when you get off. They are cooped up with even more clueless tourists and annoyed New Yorkers all day. They also have to deal with NYC traffic(!!!) while cooped up with these people.

4) Don't be too nice to bus drivers. At least not if you plan on sitting anywhere near the front of the bus. The bitter ones will glare at you and make you feel uncomfortable. The friendly ones will not stop talking to you throughout your entire ride, which will likely be longer than you expected (did I mention NYC traffic(!!!)?). This will annoy you as you do work or read or nap or try to catch the attention of that hottie across the aisle.

5) Never start a sentence with "no respectable New Yorker..." Just, don't. As soon as those words fall out of your mouth, you cease to be a respectable New Yorker and your credibility is out the window. Because no respectable New Yorker says that.


At Mon Dec 14, 09:02:00 AM RMJ said...

#1 for me is a rule right here in little ol' Roanoke, VA. Even when I'm with my cis male partner, I look straight ahead and do not make eye contact, particularly when I'm dressed in a revealing way.

At Wed Dec 16, 07:49:00 PM mistressmom said...

Some other rules:

* Don't be afraid to make friends with your neighbors. Sure, they might be the drug dealers, prostitutes, and murderers that your mom and dad warned you about, but wouldn't that be more reason to have them on your side?

* When confronted with a group of surly and obnoxiously loud and profane teenagers, take a deep breath and remember that you were probably like them some time ago. You weren't? Then surely you had friends that were that way. No? Then keep your distance. You don't have experience with riled-up teenagers; you're under-qualified for trying out your luck in this city.

* Never be afraid to run away and/or scream. Seriously. Don't worry about your neighbors, or how it might make you look, or whether or not you're being judgmental by believing that the guy behind you is following you. Speed up, speak up, make a scene. Do whatever it takes to get noticed by on-lookers, get help, or elude the would-be predator.

At Sat Dec 19, 12:44:00 PM frau sally benz said...

Good extra rules!!


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