Dear Mr. Security Guard,

I've always thought you were a bit of a weirdo -- I sensed you looking at me and I noticed you went out of your way to say hello and goodbye. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe I reminded you of your daughter or something considering the fact that you must be over 50. I was nice and would mutter some response to you because I try to be somewhat polite even when I'm annoyed, and at least you were better than the younger security guard who is really just a pain in the ass and looks sleazy and dirty.

But. Um. It was a bit bizarre, awkward, unnecessary, disturbing, and all sorts of EW when you said to me the other day - in the middle of the lobby, for everyone to hear - "you know, you should keep your hair down, it looks good that way."

I'm sorry, do I know you? Did I ask you for advice? Do you work part-time at a hair salon? Have I given you any indication whatsoever that I give a crap what you think "looks good" about me?

No part of my body is public property, not even my hair, and I do not need unsolicited suggestions about what to do with it. I'm not entirely sure what made you think that was appropriate and not hella creepy, but you were sorely mistaken.

But thanks for letting me know that I should now completely ignore you and/or glare at you when I walk by. Or perhaps I'll return the favor one of these days and give you a laundry list of things you should do to improve yourself.

chick whose name you don't know, and now will never know


At Thu Mar 12, 12:37:00 PM Anonymous said...

You make the point that he was perhaps over 50; if he was much younger, say, 20 or 30 something, would you have welcomed the comment?? Do you have something against older men who may want to start an innocent conversation, or are you one of those women who think ever man wants them??

At Thu Mar 12, 12:41:00 PM frau sally benz said...

Well, any man (or woman for that matter) that made a comment like that would've upset me. I point out that he's over 50 because that's another level of creepiness for me. If you're old enough to be my father, I would prefer it if you kept things like that to yourself.

And LMAO at thinking every man wants me. Usually the case is me being completely clueless and thinking that every interaction is harmless until somebody says "um, duh, that guy wants you."

At Fri Mar 13, 02:51:00 PM Llencelyn said...

Here via the Shakesville blogaround.

*shudder* These kind of things happen to me more than I'd like to admit. Especially from classmates. It bugs me but all I can do is respond with a, "That's nice," in a sort of monotone expression to convey as best I can that I don't care what they think. I don't think they really get it.

Sorry you had to have one of those experiences.

At Fri Mar 13, 05:52:00 PM Made Up Myself said...

Ugh, what a creepo. It's kind of disturbing to think that those are the people who are supposed to protect you if anything happened in your building. And I don't know who's more creepy, the security guard or the creepo first commenter. Seriously, what is with dudes thinking that every woman is just waiting with bated breath for their godlike opinion? Barf.

At Sun Mar 15, 03:06:00 PM Anonymous said...

This is a different anonymous. I don't know if old guys are creepier than young ones, when they decide to be creepy. One said I should not cut my bangs so short; I believe I said that I was the one who didn't want them tickling my forehead, and would cut my hair as I please.
It seems to me that you could have a talk with those security guards' boss, if it bothers you so.

At Mon Mar 16, 10:21:00 AM Holly said...

I often get offended if a man (of any age) makes any comment whatsoever about my appearance. It's incredibly sexist because you can almost hear their thought process---They're standing there, watching/looking at you and they think to themselves "Well there goes an attractive woman. I think I'll go over and make random conversation with veiled compliments and bring up how attractive I think she is or would be if she altered her appearance to my liking." There is never a reason or an excuse for a man to comment on a woman's appearance or how she should alter her appearance.

At Mon Mar 16, 10:10:00 PM Erica said...

My 7th grade teacher told me that I look good with purple eyeliner. Not only was this NOT good fashion advice, it was creepy. He now has a baby with the girl in the grade beneath me.

At Tue Mar 17, 03:09:00 PM frau sally benz said...

UGH, it's sad that so many of you could relate to this. I wish for a day when women's appearance is not public domain.

At Sun May 17, 03:54:00 PM Anonymous said...

Then stay indoors and get off the f'n road.

Any young woman that would think that a man my age (48) would have any interest in someone young enough to be a daughter...creeps ME out.

Some women are creeps too. Yes a woman can be a creep. Equal rights you know/. Creep!!

At Sat Jan 02, 09:07:00 PM Anonymous said...

Hey sally, hot flash: *you* are the real creep.

At Sun Jan 03, 02:58:00 PM frau sally benz said...

Uh... "hot flash?" Did you mean news flash?

At Tue Apr 17, 09:03:00 PM Calgee said...

I commented on a female coworkers weight gain once; "looks like you are gaining weight". She had me reprimanded by an empathetic manager. I worked in OB during my military years, not sure if that had bearing on the otherwise comment that had no other precedent than what was observed. Less than two years later the same company encourages dialect between coworkers citing the activity as supportive to weight loss and a healthy profile. Albeit I surmised that she thought I wanted way. Even though I'm afro american...and thoroughly understand Tiger Woods' behavior. Women want money...even though they don't recognize it as truth. Answer; keep afro american males like myself out of the commonwealth...they are almost as stupid as the majority of white males and non afro american males that look at A A males as though they are a threat to their purse when in the vicinity of their romantic coupling in public places. Don't revere so much though cause a minority of A A males behave the same they have something to protect. The real reason Tiger gets a bad rap...doing what so many privileged white men and the forementioned do without check. You go no time to hate. Too busy checking these other sins

At Tue Jul 15, 09:52:00 AM Julia said...

Someone above wrote:

"Then stay indoors and get off the f'n road.

Any young woman that would think that a man my age (48) would have any interest in someone young enough to be a daughter...creeps ME out.

Some women are creeps too. Yes a woman can be a creep. Equal rights you know/. Creep!!"

Wow, ahah. She sure hit a nerve! Unfortunately your trying to turn the situation upside down doesn't work: Old creepy men often do creep on young women because they're attracted (because they're creepy fucks) but the reverse is not true! Young women almost invariably never creep on old men (because they're not attracted!). So nice bit of projection, creep!


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