At my friend's request, I'm going to explain why I don't have an engagement ring. In no particular order:

Diamonds are not this girl's best friend-- There is entirely too much to worry about when looking at a ring. You have no way of knowing for certain where it came from and how it got from there to your finger. I'd rather not lose sleep wondering if some poor man is now arm-less because of my ring. And gemstone rings are ugly. Period.

It's about the money, honey-- I hate how expensive they are! There's no reason to spend so much money on something you wear on your finger when you could save that money for your honeymoon or down payment on a house. Hell, some are worth more than everything I own combined!

Men feel the pain too-- The only thing worse than people judging me for not having a ring is the flack my guy gets for it. Of course, that's it: I really do want a ring, but he probably can't afford it. No, he most certainly can. I had to talk him out of getting one. But it's so true that some (a lot) of men use it as this status symbol thing. It's like an extension of their d*cks. Ugh.

which leads me to...

I'm nobody's property-- I don't like that men give women engagement rings to show that they're now off-limits because somebody else has claimed her. It's a little too Europe-conquering-lands-with-flags for me.

So, that said, why a wedding band? Well, they're cheaper, for one. They don't need to have diamonds or ugly gemstones. There's still a slight pull for not getting one because I really don't like putting myself out there as somebody's property, but if he wants to wear one, then I'll wear one too.

Ehh, maybe I'll just wear a big, ol' SOLD sign on my forehead.


At Fri May 30, 11:59:00 AM Renee said...

I see agree with you on the engagement ring thing. When I found out about blood diamonds I took mine off and never wore it again. I had no idea where it came from and it bothered me that this shiny rock could literally be the symbol of someones suffering.

At Thu Jun 05, 07:42:00 AM Arbitrary Zero said...

I have to disagree with your assertion about gemstone rings- there are some which can be tasteful. I was looking at a blue sapphire with a platinum band for some time, but I decided that I would rather just not have an engagement or a wedding ring if I do get married. I also don't want a wedding either, though. Most of my motivations have nothing to do with rings symbolizing the woman as someone's property and more to do with the traditions surrounding marriage being rather antiquated and backward.

At Thu Jun 05, 09:42:00 AM Sally said...

I definitely agree with you, zero, about the traditions being antiquated and backward.

I used to work as a wedding planner, and one thing I realized was that I do NOT want a big to-do. No walking down the aisle as my father gives me away, no first dance, no creepy vows, no church. Just a very informal, very fun celebration. Kind of like a housewarming celebrating a new home, except no gifts either!

At Sat Jul 05, 09:43:00 AM daedalus2u said...

I agree with renee, I would never buy a diamond ring for someone I cared about. I can't look at a diamond without thinking about blood diamonds and the misery those diamonds have caused. That is not the kinds of thoughts I want to have going through my mind every time I look at the hand of someone I care about.

There is no "tradition" about diamond rings. It was made-up by DeBeers to make a market for all the diamonds they had.

At Mon Sep 21, 02:41:00 PM Anonymous said...

The bit that annoys me the most about the diamond engagement ring thing (and "traditional" weddings in general, really) is the imposition of conformity on something that ought to be supremely personal. When two unique people with a unique relationship get married... they have the same wedding as everyone else. Everybody involved just gets... erased.

Not everyone likes diamonds.
Not everyone likes roses.

Even as a kid— long before I was even a feminist— I declared that I'd love forever the guy who paid enough attention to me to:
A. give me live plants (cut flowers make me sad) and/or bouquets of eucalyptus (it's my favorite thing at the florist's); and
B. propose with an opal ring (my favorite stone) set in silver (I don't wear gold).


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